Allah... majhe majhe bhabi je kar shaathe kotha bolbo... Then I take the safe way out and decide to be alone ^^ Amader basha ta beshon tanda hoye ache... kinto amar mon ta jole jacce. Keno ey rokom hoy janina... Beshi emotional kichu mone porle amar ey obostha hoy. Isn't it silly? Allah save me... I won't ask anyone else but You.

“You were a stray cat, strutting so free and full of pride. But I could see your open wound. And without really thinking I just chalked it up to another cool thing about you. I never realized how much you hurt.”
― Ai Yazawa

Yesterday was International Women's Day. Typically on Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to the restroom before philosophy class. One day before class, the restroom was very full, but there was one girl in a stall coughing violently and, I believe, she was vomiting as well. I waited for her. When she came out, I asked if she was okay. She smiled, said yes, washed her face, and walked away. Okay... great. But then yesterday when the bathroom was empty, I had gone into a stall and then I heard the door open. Someone ran into a stall and vomited a whole lot. I came out and before I knew she it, she was done and she ran away. But I recognized her hair and her coat. It was that same girl.

And this made me think quite a lot. Why did she run away? Was she ashamed? Was she quietly vomiting the last time too? I thought maybe this girl could be pregnant. Because, hey, it's 10:30 in the morning... same time after a week. It left me very sad. So then I went to back to class and explained my thoughts to my friend Leeza. She said, well she could just be sick. And in college there are all sorts of people, pregnancy can be normal. Maybe she just chooses not to take medicine.

I agreed that all those things are possible. But still my thoughts can be possible too. And whose to say that this girl isn't afraid and in need of help? I wish I could have spoken to her. When I think about it, if a girl were in that kind of situation... she would be really sad. What a bind. I would never judge. When I hear about girls that accidentally got pregnant later got shunned and teased, it makes me feel so bad. Usually family members and people close to them get "hurt" and stuff. But they fail to see that it is not the time to be so emotional and selfish when someone is in desperate need of help. It makes me very sad.

So on IWD, I learned that women should empower other women to be strong during moments in life that only another woman can relate to. I wish women didn't hate on each other. I wish that women could rely on each other. I wish they were compassionate. If it isn't that way, won't this world be so lonely?

I will always try to help another girl. I would mean a lot to me. Because when I look back to my childhood, I only wish that I can hug my young self. This is a type of strength. To be able to stand up on your own and then realize another person's pain.

For now, I'll hope Leeza was right.

This past month has been amazing. 

I fell in love with the campus as soon as I saw it. Because of the cherry blossom tree. I was ambitious, energetic, and ready. I will never lose this drive. I told myself I'll have to cry so much more in this life... that it will in no way end right here. I'm a cry baby, so I'll cry. And get back up. And that's what makes me strong. So far I got straight A's on my midterms :] I'm so glad. 

Today Student Affairs had a photoshoot. They gave me an adorable blue hoodie and everything was just plain nice. I can envision myself doing the things I have always wanted to do. Everything is possible now. I won't slip up. I will do things the right way. This I promise myself. [haha sounds like a pep talk]

My writing is better when I'm writing for English class... I promise!!

My family is finally complete. Our house is full. Yesterday my father bought a hundred pounds of rice, potatoes, and onions. As well as 12 cabbages and 12 cauliflowers. You get the picture! But everyone seems happier. My parents are happier... even nano. I suppose this means we were incomplete this whole time. I'm happier too.

Mizanur bhaiya knocks on my door to wake me up for Fajr and then I knock back to signal that I've woken. Yesterday was my big bio test and I went to school. He watched me walking away to the train station and said I looked sad. So he scouted my favorite chocolate and bought it for me. I was so touched. 

It's been great... I love hugs from Iti and Hosniara... I love our sleepovers and movie nights... It's been great. Alhamdulillah.

But you know, I'll always keep my sad memories in my heart. I'll try not to let it enshroud my heart or consume me. I don't know how long it will take for me to be at peace with myself... but I will keep going... I won't wait for any reason anymore...

I'm really happy. Thank you dearest Lord.

On another note... here's a secret. I would like to get married mmm in the near future.